Playing my first tomorrow night

Problems, how to get them, favorite songs to play, groupies, funky bar owners, etc. NO names of clubs, please.

Postby Bournio » Tue Dec 19, 2006 12:23 pm

I really don't know about who wrote it, but the lyrics we sing are
"Plastic Jesus
Plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car.

He don't slip no he dont slide cos his arse is magnetized
Riding on the dashboard of my car.
He don't slip no he dont slide cos his arse is magnetized
Riding on the dashboard of my car.

I ain't got the whole set yet I'm saving for St. Bernadette, riding on the dashboard of my car
I ain't got the whole set yet I'm saving for St. Bernadette, riding on the dashboard of my car"

There are many others, but i can't remember them!
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Postby guitarslim101 » Wed Dec 20, 2006 2:51 am

The version I did is:

I don't care if it rains or freezes
's long as I've got my Plastic Jesus
Glued to the dashboard of my car,
You can buy Him phosphorescent
Glows in the dark, He's Pink and Pleasant,
Take Him with you when you're travelling far.

I don't care if it's dark or scary,
Long as I have magnetic Mary,
Ridin' on the dashboard of my car,
I feel I'm protected amply,
I've got the whole damn Holy Family,
Riding on the dashboard of my car.

You can buy a Sweet Madonna
Dressed in rhinestones sitting on a
Pedestal of abalone shell,
Goin' ninety, I'm not wary
'Cause I've got my Virgin Mary,
Guaranteeing I won't go to Hell.

I don't care if it bumps or jostles
Long as I got the Twelve Apostles
Bolted to the dashboard of my car
Don't I have a pious mess
Such a crowd of holiness
Strung across the dashboard of my car

No, I don't care if it rains or freezes,
Long as I have my plastic Jesus,
Riding on the dashboard of my car,
But I think he'll have to go,
His magnet ruins my radio,
And if we have a wreck he'll leave a scar.

Riding through the thoroughfare, with his nose up in the air
A wreck may be ahead, but he don't mind
Trouble coming, he don't see, he just keeps his eyes on me
And any other thing that lies behind
Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus, riding on the dashboard of my car
Though the sun shines on his back makes him peel, chip, and crack
A little patching keeps him up to par

When pedestrians try to cross I let them know whose boss
I never blow my horn or give them warning
I ride all over town, trying to run them down
And it's seldom that they live to see the morning
Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus Riding on the dashboard of my car
His halo fits just right and I use it as a sight
And they'll scatter or they'll splatter near and far

When I'm in a traffic jam he don't care if I say Damn
I can let all sorts of curses roll
Plastic Jesus doesn't hear, for he has a plastic ear
The man who invented plastic saved my soul
Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus riding on the dashboard of my car
Once his robe was snowy white, now it isn't quite so bright
Stained by the smoke of my cigar

When I'm goin' fornicatin'
I got my ceramic Satan
Sinnin' on the dashboard of my Winnebago Motor Home
The women know I'm on the level
Thanks to the wild-eyed stoneware devil
Ridin' on the dashboard of my van

If I weave around at night
And the police think I'm tight,
They'll never find my bottle, though they ask;
plastic Jesus shelters me,
For His head comes off, you see--
He's hollow, and I use Him for a flask.
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Postby jellyroll baker » Thu Dec 21, 2006 1:57 am

That song brings back memories of a Catholic boyhood, lying in bed terrified that the glow-in-the-dark Jesuson the shelf was going come to life and eat me. I know that fear of God is supposed to be a virtue but I was terrified of the fella.
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Postby guitarslim101 » Thu Dec 21, 2006 5:34 am

Haha. I was surprised how many people laughed when I got to the verse about "goin' fornicatin'"...I didn't think most of them would know what that means. I guess I don't give my school-mates enough credit.
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Postby ricochet » Thu Dec 21, 2006 3:24 pm

If you want to see bug eyes, try asking a little old lady if she's experienced formication lately.

(Formication is a sensation like ants crawling on the skin, associated with neuropathies.)
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Postby mickeypainless » Thu Dec 21, 2006 4:00 pm

I remember when my sis in law was in her first year of Med school we were all sitting around after dinner and she gave a bit of a shiver and announced that she'd just experienced a "formication"....... The look on her poor mothers face was PRICELESS!
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Postby dcblues » Thu Dec 21, 2006 4:43 pm

Paul Newman performed "Plastic Jesus" in Cool Hand Luke.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HnJHRvUkZxI
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