Personal Topics

Ideas, likes, dislikes, recommendations, and opinions regarding the Big Road Blues web site and forums.

RE: Personal Topics

Postby bighollowtwang » Thu Mar 17, 2005 4:21 pm

[updated:LAST EDITED ON Mar-17-05 AT 12:22 PM (EST)]>- the female member friend of mine who eventually
>re-registered with a "hidden" profile, after being pestered
>and e-stalked by at least two male members of this board?

I have a really hard time seeing that happening.
How do you "stalk" someone on a message board? Reply to ALL their posts and sign the replies "Your Sugarlump" or something? Send them lots of steamy PMs?
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RE: Personal Topics

Postby stumblin » Thu Mar 17, 2005 4:40 pm

Well, I suppose it could happen.
It is serious though. I expect quite a few of us might have received unwanted emails or PMs, but this is the first instance of "e-stalking" that I've heard of.
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RE: Personal Topics

Postby bruneau » Thu Mar 17, 2005 5:18 pm

Hi Stumblin

>Gray D. Mucus type of troll that we sometimes attract.

Tell me something about it, what happened ?
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RE: Personal Topics

Postby raiph » Thu Mar 17, 2005 5:34 pm

Thank you for your welcome - I'll take it as honorable as face value suggests.

It is a non-blues related thread in a non-blues related forum, described as being for the expression of:
Ideas, likes, dislikes, recommendations, and opinions regarding the Big Road Blues web site and forums.

Or am I missing some secret cypher?

I have posted often - I just happen to have been unable to re-register under my original id, so had to make up another one. As to the old one. well, I'm beginning to enjoy this new one!

I have a really hard tim seeing that happening”.
(Again the accompanying comments illustrate an insensivity to what can be a most distressing experience - an insensitivity that is, unfortunately, all too common).
How can it happen? We are discussing the public availability (or not) of profile information, including email addresses.
As it happens, the lady concerned was innocent enough to include her zip code in her profile, which meant that she suffered both email and postal harassmen, and, yes, what you cavalierly refer to as “steamy PMs”.

That matter is now closed, and has been for about two years, but I totally respect and support her need for privacy, and will not stand by while some loudmouth, even foul-mouth, suggests that she, and others with similar needs, are referred in terms like: “If someone here has their Profile inactive or has a Hidden or False Email,,,they're up to no good. You can bet on it.”

As to my comments on the sensitivity or otherwise commonly experienced regarding sexual harassment, I suggest that this subject be discussed with some women, including why so few will take "official steps" when it occurs.
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RE: Personal Topics

Postby allanlummox » Thu Mar 17, 2005 5:51 pm

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RE: Personal Topics

Postby bighollowtwang » Thu Mar 17, 2005 6:07 pm

>How can it happen? We are discussing the public
>availability (or not) of profile information, including
>email addresses.
>As it happens, the lady concerned was innocent enough to
>include her zip code in her profile, which meant that she
>suffered both email and postal harassmen, and, yes, what you
>cavalierly refer to as “steamy PMs”.

It's just as easy to put incorrect information in your profile as it is to leave it blank. Likewise, zip code is not "required" information, anyone making such data available to the public should expect the consequences, regardless of gender. You are somehow suggesting that women are more naive and vulnerable to abuse of their personal info online than men are. Isn't that a sexist position to take?
As far as the "steamy PMs" go, no one is forced to read all the crap they receive online...or do you actually read every spam mail you get down to the last line? That's what the "delete" button is for.

If you want to go on a crusade for the rights of women there are better places to do it than here, I think that with very few exceptions people here are pretty well-behaved compared to some other message boards I've seen.
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RE: Personal Topics

Postby raiph » Thu Mar 17, 2005 7:10 pm

As I suggested - you haven't the foggiest idea.
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RE: Personal Topics

Postby badfinger » Thu Mar 17, 2005 7:24 pm

"It's just as easy to put incorrect information in your profile as it is to leave it blank"

So that's the secret... But I thought that was definitely none-U, and that no-one does such a thing.

The trouble with raiph is he speaks his mind a little too directly (I've warned you about that, Sunshine - there are sensitive souls about.)

But I saw no suggestion that ladies might be more naiive - I saw the word "innocently", which I translated as inferring "honesty" more than "naiivety".

It was I who persuaded the lady in question that she should not be frightened away from the board by what she had experienced.
I also saw some of the emails and other missives she received - scary, very scary.

One of the arguments I used in trying to reassure her was that I believed the majority of board members to be decent people who would do nothing less than rally round and support her, should they know of the problems she had. I still believe that, but am saddened to learn that apparently there are those who would have just laughed.
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RE: Personal Topics

Postby bighollowtwang » Thu Mar 17, 2005 7:53 pm

>One of the arguments I used in trying to reassure her was
>that I believed the majority of board members to be decent
>people who would do nothing less than rally round and
>support her, should they know of the problems she had. I
>still believe that, but am saddened to learn that apparently
>there are those who would have just laughed.

I'm not "laughing" - just puzzled why you guys are speaking on this woman's behalf instead of letting her tell her story herself. Unless she's a minor (and even then...) she should be able to fend for herself online - it's much less threatening than the real world.

I'd be curious to know who was sending these "scary" emails and exactly what she and her oh-so-chivalrous defenders have done about it.

I am also amazed that commentary from complete strangers on a message board could be seen as a "deterrent" to reporting sexual harassment. Message board posts, even those in poor taste, can hardly be compared to actual physical intimidation or a real threat of violence, or even the humiliation of having to confront someone on a regular basis in the workplace or in the neighborhood. Lighten up, it's only a message board.
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RE: Personal Topics

Postby allanlummox » Thu Mar 17, 2005 8:12 pm

I suppose it's a question of approach.


I'd heard nothing about this harrasment situation - none of my business.


So "slyly" creating a context to bring it up in the public forum is extremely poor form.



This is an example of why a personal topics forum on a public forum would be ill advised.
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RE: Personal Topics

Postby grady » Thu Mar 17, 2005 8:17 pm

>
>That matter is now closed, and has been for about two years,
>but I totally respect and support her need for privacy, and
>will not stand by while some loudmouth, even foul-mouth,
>suggests that she, and others with similar needs, are
>referred in terms like: “If someone here has their
>Profile inactive or has a Hidden or False Email,,,they're up
>to no good. You can bet on it.”

>
>

You will not "stand by" BUT,,,,you will hide behind a false
identity ????

That's laughable to say the least.

So,,,,,Brave one,,,,
please,,,enlighten us on what happened during the BRB crash that required you to come back with a new "Secret" Identity????

Did you become "Famous"?
a member of the Secret Service ??

or were you "e-stalked" by another BRB member??
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RE: Personal Topics

Postby grady » Thu Mar 17, 2005 8:50 pm

>
> Likewise, zip code is
>not "required" information, anyone making such data
>available to the public should expect the consequences,
>regardless of gender.
>

As always,,,ZAK makes a very good point.
When you make yourself a target,,,you become one.



>As far as the "steamy PMs" go, no one is forced to read
>all the crap they receive online...or do you actually
>read every spam mail you get down to the last line? That's
>what the "delete" button is for.
>

It seems very odd to me that this person who was "e-stalked" had absolutely no problem sharing the info with at least two other BRB members but,,,,did not feel comfortable sharing it with the Moderator or anyone who could've actually done something about it???

Sounds like a case of the "victim" wanting to show a few people that she was "desired" by others in order to "boost" her own feeling of self-worth.

The whole deal just sounds bizarre to me.

I find it extremely hard to give any merit or creedence to people who hide behind false identities.

It's like introducing yourself as someone else.

The phrase "Mental Disorder" comes to mind.
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RE: Personal Topics

Postby david » Thu Mar 17, 2005 9:20 pm

It always saddens me when I see these kinds of discussions happening on this board. Most of the time it is a very communal sort of place with good relations among us.

It does more than sadden me to learn that there very well may have been harassment of a member by other members. I don't think we are going to learn much more of USE about the past incident. But, I hope in the future there can be a way that these things can be dealt with directly.

I have no idea (there's an opening for someone!) who was involved or what they were, or were not, willing to do. I don't know what I would do in an actual situation until I find myself in that situation.

What comes to my mind is copying and pasting the offensive PM for the rest of the forum to see. I don't know if that would actually help or not. But, I still believe the vast majority of the folks on this board would be outraged and the offending person could be banned from the board. I think there must be ways to keep them off, even with false registrations.

I've seen Grady, in typical Grady fashion, go at such problems head on. I've seen the members of this board rally behind him until the offensive "member" withdrew, at least for long periods at a time.

It might have been easier just to contact PappyJ and say, "He's back." Different people have different temperaments and different ways of handling such problems.

Who ever the person that suffered the problem was, I hope she knows the majority of us here would have been behind you all the way.

And, I don't know about the rest of you, but I like blues music.
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RE: Personal Topics

Postby badfinger » Thu Mar 17, 2005 9:24 pm

Nothing was "slyly" created, as far as I can see - just a reason given as to why some people might not want to post their info, in response to a typical Yahooism from Grady.

Of course a zip code is not required - it was entered without thought.

“just puzzled why you guys are speaking on this woman's behalf instead of letting her tell her story herself. Unless she's a minor (and even then...) she should be able to fend for herself online - it's much less threatening than the real world. I'd be curious to know who was sending these "scary" emails and exactly what she and her oh-so-chivalrous defenders have done about it.
I am also amazed that commentary from complete strangers on a message board could be seen as a "deterrent" to reporting sexual harassment. Message board posts, even those in poor taste, can hardly be compared to actual physical intimidation or a real threat of violence, or even the humiliation of having to confront someone on a regular basis in the workplace or in the neighborhood. Lighten up, it's only a message board.”


Go back and read more than just every other line. Try, even, to read a little between the lines.
Tell you what, I shall do it for you: In preceding posts I note reference to harassing PMs, emails, and letters. Does that help?


had absolutely no problem sharing the info with at least two other BRB members but,,,,did not feel comfortable sharing it with the Moderator or anyone…

Such as you, Grady?

Not just “ at least two other BRB members but friends of longstanding. It’s called the difference between friends and strangers. And something was done about it.
In one case a prosecution and a restraining order ensued. Because the harassment had escalated to actual letters and, it was suspected but never proven, a couple of anonymous telephone calls, there was sufficient extra-mural (to the BRB) activity that the matter was dealt with without the BRB being mentioned other than as background evidence, and referred to merely as “an internet forum”.
The other – more minor in intensity – ceased after some heavy correspondence from the lady’s lawyer.
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RE: Personal Topics

Postby allanlummox » Thu Mar 17, 2005 10:51 pm

How about if we just give everyone who had no involvement in the situations you describe the benifit of the doubt for having the best possible intentions re things they knew nothing about that didn't concern them?


I mean to say, let people go about minding their OWN business?

I mean, as soon as you mention litigation, I'm pretty sure that it's stuff I'm better off not getting too close to.
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