what would you do?

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what would you do?

Postby jaybee » Wed Mar 01, 2006 3:14 am

I just started with a new band, had about 5 rehearsals and the bass player "books" us as opening band of a jam session so a friend of his who "maybe might one time be able to get us a gig" can hear us, even though we told him not to, because
-we aren't ready to gig
- it's a jam and I hate to use that as a 'look at my new band'-showcase, I can get a try-out gig for that easily enough when we're ready
and I had other commitments that weekend he knew about and were not very convenient for me to rearrange at such short notice.

THEN, he and his friend end up getting there 1 and 1/2 hour later than they should have, so we are no longer opening, but we'll be the closing band (more inconvenience)

As it's a jam and it's packed with musicians that day, the organiser adds a harp player to our set, who - unfortunately - only has 3 harps, so is a bit limited in the keys he can play in, so I suggest to replace one song and sing another one in a different key (A instead of Bb) thinking "it's a jam, anybody should be given the chance to play". Mr bassman sees it different and insists on playing the three songs we'd said we'd play and doesn't want to play anything different.

At that point I somewhat less than politely told him 'it's a jam so anyone can join in, and I'm up front so I'll play what I bloody like or I leave right now' which made him "agree" - he knows there are enough musicians there so no one would care if I DID leave, and he knows I would do it, no matter if that turns out to make me miss one "maybe-possibly-sometime"-gig

now my problem is - do I keep this guy in the band if

1 - he doesn't care about any other band member's opinion and/or job-family situation

2 - he decides what we're going to play

and last but not least

3 - if he doesn't feel sure enough to change the key from Bb to A, do I really want to invest more time in him?

We ended up playing only two songs because time was running short and the organiser asked me to "cut it short" so one more 'band' could play .

okay, rant over... still don't know if I don't have to go looking for another bass player though...
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RE: what would you do?

Postby lorilu » Wed Mar 01, 2006 5:08 am

Jaybee,
That made me really mad just hearing that. Him showing up late when he was the one that set it up is totally messed up to say the least and inconsiderate. You know in your gut what you need to do. Sometimes I hang in there on things and hope they will get better and sometimes I can see there is never gonna be any light. I will check to see how I feel when practice comes and if I've made my feelings clear already and I have that tired feeling like I don't really want to do this then I follow that. Sounds like you are the band leader. Have you talked to the others? You may not need to. You sound like you are pretty open minded and "play well with others" so you might just need to have faith that you can find a replacement for that jerk. I mean bass player.
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RE: what would you do?

Postby nizer » Wed Mar 01, 2006 3:03 pm

>okay, rant over... still don't know if I don't have to go
>looking for another bass player though...

If it's your call, get someone else. See quote below.
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RE: what would you do?

Postby bosco » Wed Mar 01, 2006 3:28 pm

Well, there's not much adding to do there once the subtracting is done.

The guy isn't much of a team player and seems irresponsible. However, I know how you feel, having invested so much time and effort in the project so far. I'd have a serious talk with him and state that if the band is going to move forward (With him as part of it) that you're all going to have to be on the same page. Better to find out now than six months down the road instead of six rehearsals.

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RE: what would you do?

Postby 1armbandit » Wed Mar 01, 2006 5:50 pm

What does the rest of the band think? If they are siding with you maybe it's time for him to go. If they think that he is acting in the best interests of the band I'd be out of there like a scalded cat.

No sense trying to run a band as as professionally as possible if anyone in the band can schedule you at anytime anywhere without regard to personal schedules of each of you or the venue that it will be in.

And if you sign me up to be somewhere at a certain time, then you damn well better be there on time.
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RE: what would you do?

Postby jaybee » Wed Mar 01, 2006 8:16 pm

I'll be talking to the other guitar player tomorrow, I know he wasn't happy with the situation either, but I'm not sure HOW unhappy, the drummer is another thing, he's a friend of the bassplayer and I don't know how much of the situation he's aware of since he was taling to some other friends when our little confrontation took place, and I didn't mention it on stage or when I got off. Might be that I'm back to square one: looking for a rhythm section... oh well, that's life I guess, and the "stress" of looking for a new bass player or complete rhythm section might be preferable to the stress of dealing with someones attitude...

anyway, thanks all for taking the time to read and reply to my post! ;)
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RE: what would you do?

Postby lorilu » Wed Mar 01, 2006 9:22 pm

Someone here was telling me - it was Walter that if you will it - it can be. If the drummer and bass player are friends and they are the ones that showed up late then that might be a good indicator of how things will be. They may eventually divide the band anyway. Best of luck with this. Read about Thinline Bob's band I can't remember where he has it posted but it IS possible.
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RE: what would you do?

Postby jeffl » Wed Mar 01, 2006 9:29 pm

Jaybee: unless you've had situations like this with this guy before,I'd treat it as an isolated incident; don't extend it beyond what it was. Deal with the issues alone. The punctuality issue stands alone. The other issue is about making tune decisions on the fly,and that's just a matter of layin' down the ground rules. It's good to let others in the band know what your expectations are,and if they don't match with somebody else's,then maybe some compromising is in order,if possible. Quite often,minor confrontations or stressful circumstances can lead to a band growing tighter,as is the case with any interpersonal relationships. Unless you got a band in the waiting,I'd definitely work with the one you got,until you hit an obstacle you can't overcome. Unless you're in it for big money,havin' fun has always been a key requirement for me--you gotta enjoy the company of the people you play with.
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RE: what would you do?

Postby jaybee » Thu Mar 02, 2006 7:46 am

>Jaybee: unless you've had situations like this with this guy
>before,I'd treat it as an isolated incident; don't extend it
>beyond what it was. Deal with the issues alone. The
>punctuality issue stands alone. The other issue is about
>making tune decisions on the fly,and that's just a matter of
>layin' down the ground rules. It's good to let others in the
>band know what your expectations are,and if they don't match
>with somebody else's,then maybe some compromising is in
>order,if possible. Quite often,minor confrontations or
>stressful circumstances can lead to a band growing
>tighter,as is the case with any interpersonal relationships.
>Unless you got a band in the waiting,I'd definitely work
>with the one you got,until you hit an obstacle you can't
>overcome. Unless you're in it for big money,havin' fun has
>always been a key requirement for me--you gotta enjoy the
>company of the people you play with.

1. punctuality = I'm 15 minutes early unless the road is blocked for longer than that or my car breaks down. I used to have this rule that I'll have to start living by again:
"I'm 15 minutes early, if you're 15 minutes late I'm leaving, like it or not"

2. tune decisions on the fly: first of all it was a JAM, second I like to think people joining a band can play in ALL keys, third I would agree it being a 'pita' if I changed from E to Eb (well, tuning down a half step could fix that) but from Bb to A???

3. FUN - if it isn't fun anymore I usually quit, last weekends situation was no fun at all... one thing for sure, next jam session I'll ask NOT to be scheduled with him, even if we're still a band, it's always nice to play with someone else for a change. If he's to insecure, that's HIS problem, not mine and not my job to solve it either

I'll see what happens at next week's rehearsal (this week the space wasn't free) but I have a funny feeling... haven't had 1 call from him since Sunday
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RE: what would you do?

Postby 601blues » Thu Mar 02, 2006 11:53 am

Thats the exact reason why I became 601, 6 insturments, 0 roadies, 1 man!! I belive what makes a great Band is findin a group of musicians that will or can stay together more than a couple months.Sounds like the typical cover my ass screw you Thang!!Over the years this has happened to me more times than I can remember!! However I think it made me Better! One time about 20 yrs ago we had a group and I was the rythem player I was content with this position,and we had a hot Lead Guitarist, Bill Wheatly, he was our main Player,we weren't any thing without Bill!!Every Gig In a year maybe 2, Bill was never there on time, sometimes we had did a couple of songs before he would show up,and some times he never showed up at all!!At first I hated this guy with a passion,cause at every gig it was a stressful situation,waitin on Bill!! Then that anger caused me to step out and really work on my lead guitar skills, So we didn't hafta wait on Bill and be under his control!! Over the years just because I couldn't find dif, instruments I have just learned them my self!! Bass,Keyboards, sax, Harmonica,piano,Drums,Vocals, So Need has been my Teacher!!
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RE: what would you do?

Postby watertore » Thu Mar 02, 2006 9:57 pm

[updated:LAST EDITED ON Mar-02-06 AT 04:59 PM (EST)]Become a 1 man band :) . Sorry to hear that jaycee. As the years go by, I now have no trouble with my trio. I have known both of them a long time, we have common values, and lifestyles. I just don't have time for this kind of stuff anymore. It is childish, and I am an adult, who has learned to communicate, honestly with people. It took me about 25 years to figure this out. Life is much too short to try and change someone. Getting into this kind of stuff, is like opening your window in the winter, and trying to heat the world-lost cause. Plus, you will never meet the musicians you really groove with, if you stay immeshed in dysfunction like that. Sorry to sound so cut and dry, but I would be long done with such a person. Walter
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RE: what would you do?

Postby maxx england » Fri Mar 03, 2006 10:13 am

I agree with Walter, I choose to spend time with positive people these days, you don't need to do your own head in with any avoidable difficulty.
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RE: what would you do?

Postby lorilu » Mon Mar 13, 2006 1:31 am

Jaybee,
Just wondering what happened with the band?
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RE: what would you do?

Postby jaybee » Mon Mar 13, 2006 10:37 pm

Lorilu

the band is still together, we told the bass player about our problem and he kind of half excused - half shrugged it off as "not my day", so we let it go for now and we'll see how it evolves in the next couple of weeks
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RE: what would you do?

Postby lorilu » Fri Mar 17, 2006 2:40 am

That is great news! Hope it continues to go well for you guys.
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