THE RETURN OF BLUESMAN – THE RETURNETH

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Re: THE RETURN OF BLUESMAN – THE RETURNETH

Postby cas » Thu Apr 10, 2008 2:51 am

....."before I could gather my thoughts..." coughing again the postman whispered, "I...." But, before he could go on Bluesman & Ric rounded the corner in the Bluesmobile almost flattening the postman. "Wot the 'ell!!!" said Bluesman. "Didn't we just leave here? What is this some kind of rift in time? I thought that was only in Cardiff!" (Insert Torchwood theme here)
The postman coughed, sputtering as he attempted to stand...he had after all been almost flattened, ya know. He whispered, almost a dying breath..."Have you met my friend......?"

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Re: THE RETURN OF BLUESMAN – THE RETURNETH

Postby maxx england » Thu Apr 10, 2008 10:07 am

Report this postReply with quote Re: THE RETURN OF BLUESMAN – THE RETURNETH
by howlnwoof on 10 Apr 2008 01:54

??????????OOPs ...... seems as though we overlapped posts ...... I thought Maxx referred to the postman , then Cas inserted Doc instead and I introduced Sedgewick the postman at almost the same time ...... now what??????
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Even at this distance, Mojo's hand lies heavy upon our protagonists........
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Re: THE RETURN OF BLUESMAN – THE RETURNETH

Postby cas » Sat Apr 12, 2008 11:23 pm

From his spot far away Doc Mojo cried out in satisfaction..."Good! Chaos reigns! Just as I wanted, planned for, for many weeks now. Bluesman & his hairy henchguy Ric, the poor, Sedgewick, Grady and all the "members' of the accursed BRB cult. Lost somewhere in the storm of confusion. HHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHBBWWWWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHA". Doc Mojo was triumphant. Everyone was lost, trying to get their bearings, but couldn't. Their minds aswirl with lights...pretty lights, sparkly, tingly, Tinkerbell lights, ooooh look, I can see the colors.....From out of somewhere an evil reso played. Tuned to a strange key, all dominant minor flatted 6th notes and disharmonic progressions the reso continued. What could Bluesman do??? What could anyone do??? Perhaps, if they all tried very hard they could think of a way out of this conundrum. Bluesman....help!!! Help, help Bluesman!!! Save us! Quick, think of something! Maybe if you...............

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Re: THE RETURN OF BLUESMAN – THE RETURNETH

Postby howlnwoof » Sun Sep 07, 2008 2:03 am

.....removed that Mojo bag from underneath your garments , got rid of the rabbits foot , took the penny outta your shoe , gave the postman the "stink eye" , and returned the long overdue copy of "9-1/2 Weeks" to the video store , all this bad luck would dissipate and allow us a quick escape . Or maybe you could just turn around and push through that flimsy screen door behind you , which appears to lead out into a garden of sorts . At the urging of the others , Bluesman pushed his hand through the rusty screen , twisted the knob from the other side , felt the latch give way and kicked the door open . The throng headed for the opening , jostling and shoving , when all of a sudden , from out of nowhere came...........
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Re: THE RETURN OF BLUESMAN – THE RETURNETH

Postby ricochet » Sun Sep 07, 2008 2:53 am

...Bigfoot! He looked like a huge man in a ratty old Spencer's Gifts Halloween gorilla costume, and stank like rotten animal guts. His eyes were red as tour bus taillights. He raised his arms and lumbered toward Bluesman. Bluesman lurched backward to escape back inside, but ran into the doorframe hard, damn near pissed himself and started slowly sliding down the wall, sure this was the end. Ric and Grady stared in horror from the shadows. But Bigfoot didn't attack. He just started howlin'... howlin' the blues. Then he turned, and picked up a large concrete pot with a hedge apple tree in it trimmed into a topiary sculpture of Stephen LaVere. He smashed it on the ground, and started purposefully digging in the rich, black, wormy soil that was in the pot. He found what he was looking for, pulled it out, shook the dirt off of it, and held it out to the quivering Bluesman. It was...
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Re: THE RETURN OF BLUESMAN – THE RETURNETH

Postby NEONMOONY » Sun Sep 07, 2008 3:00 am

His Johnson?
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Re: THE RETURN OF BLUESMAN – THE RETURNETH

Postby howlnwoof » Sun Sep 07, 2008 12:29 pm

NO!!! Not his johnson , but what appeared to be someones johnson , intricately detailed from what had obviously been a long tedious process of plaster work . Bigfoot lurched forward , waving the replica johnson over his head , his howling growing more intense by the moment . The chaos in the room had increased proportionally with the sudden addition of the johnson wielding bigfoot . The lights , the music , the howling ,etc were almost more than can be described . Suddenly , Bigfoot yelped in pain , tossed the plaster johnson in the air , whereupon coming to rest in the far corner of the room , it began to quiver . Changing shape as the enthralled throng stood in a semi circle across the room . It had an almost elastic appearance . Stretching and contorting and writhing , seemingly alive . It had nearly tripled in size when it began to tear open on one end , looking like a sort of otherworldly egg . A hand pushed it's way through the outer membrane , followed by the arm and shoulder it was attached to . The head emerged next , facing away from them , but as the hatchling gained it's bearings , slowly turned in the direction of the now huddled, terrified group . It was with a collective gasp , as it's features came into view , that Bluesman knew things were abouot to start looking up , because emerging from inside the johnson casing he had been entrapped in for God knows how long , was their saviour , everyones favorite late 70s tv star ..........
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Re: THE RETURN OF BLUESMAN – THE RETURNETH

Postby howlnwoof » Mon Sep 08, 2008 11:14 am

.......Whitman Mayo (who was Fred Sanfords best friend Grady on "Sanford and Son") . "Good Gobbly Goo , someone get me outta this here thang " , Whitman/Grady exclaimed . "Double Gobbly Goo ", piped in Grady / Grady , at which point from somewhere in the distance came the sound of canned laughter . "What a sorry lookin bunch o folks you all is. A rag tag bunch if ever I saw one . Good gobbly goo ." He had at this point completely removed himself from his johnson cocoon and was meticulously going over his fine suit , picking off any little pieces that remained . It was at this point that Rico spoke up ...
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Re: THE RETURN OF BLUESMAN – THE RETURNETH

Postby cas » Wed Sep 10, 2008 10:48 pm

"Gawd amighty, I need a haircut". He could see his reflection in the shiny Johnson pieces. "Where's the nearest barber?" Whitman/Grady laughed like a hyena. "Ain't no barber for miles, but if you head in that direction", he pointed westerly, "y'all find one name of Pickingrin--the barber that is". Ric thanked Whitman/Grady through the now Bigfoot like mound of hair on his head, flowing down his back. "My wife's not gonna know me" he muttered. "I'll go with you Ric, gotta get back to the wife & kid" said Grady/Grady. And with that they jumped in an old truck at the edge of the garden, hit the gas, and tires smoking & squealing leapt like a flash down the road towards the Pickingrin. Whitman/Grady watched the truck a moment then turned to Bluesman. "Well, looks like your friends done left ya. How's 'bout I come along for a time...me and Bigfoot." Bluesman looked perplexed, bothered and bewildered. "Ok, that'd be nice, but in what? And it'd have to be pretty big to take Bigfoot along." Bigfoot, hearing this, howled loudly, shaking the screen door completely off the hinges. He stomped, growled, screamed & shook until Whitman/Grady, using a placating gesture with his hands said, "No prob, I got me a Ford f650 with a nice camper sittin' on the back that'll hold him just fine". Bluesman scratched & shook his head in wonder. "Can't wait to see what that looks like." He said. Whitman/Grady laughed loud and longer. "Well, it's right out here boy....come on".
So, they walked out of the door, thru the garden, down a long path, across a bridge, turned right, then left then right again, crossed a stream, a babbling brook, and swam a river...Bluesman thought it might've been the Rio Grande but wasn't sure. Suddenly he saw the truck and dripping wet he couldn't believe his eyes. It was the weirdest looking add on camper ever. It looked like.......


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Re: THE RETURN OF BLUESMAN – THE RETURNETH

Postby howlnwoof » Thu Sep 11, 2008 2:01 pm

.....one of those low-boy semi trailers that haul carnival rides on . As a matter of fact it almost resembled a fully operational tilt a whirl with a giant , 50's style shiny chrome coated four slice toaster protruding from the middle . There was a large windowless entrance door centered in the rear of the unit , but without a visible handle . From the roof at various odd angles appeared a rusty, broken tv antenna , a couple of rooster weathervanes , a retractable laundry line from which hung several badly-in-need-of-mending brown socks , a blue mechanics uniform shirt and two pair of dingy fruit of the loom boxers .Near the front were a couple of large bullhorns , facing out at 37% angles , reminding Bluesman of the Ice Cream truck that would canvass the neighborhood in his youth . There was an old scratchy Louis Prima album being played through these speakers and a pair of mangy looking dogs napping in the sun next to the three step ladder at the entrance of the tilt a whirl toaster camper . As Bluesman and Whitman / Grady approached and rounded the back side of the camper , the windowless , handleless door creaked open , and with one hand shielding the eyes from the low setting sun , with a greeting usually reserved for an old friend ,out stepped..............
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Re: THE RETURN OF BLUESMAN – THE RETURNETH

Postby maxx england » Thu Sep 11, 2008 2:18 pm

Barack Obama.....
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Re: THE RETURN OF BLUESMAN – THE RETURNETH

Postby howlnwoof » Thu Sep 11, 2008 3:54 pm

..... Yes indeed , it was Barack O' Bama , the same B. O'Bama who , it had been rumored , was recorded by Alan Lomax for the Library of Congress , performing work songs and field hollers in the Illinois Delta , which extends from Quincy south to Alton and East to an area between Scottville and Palmyra . It had at one time been a swampland , till settlers had cleared the forests , finding the earth to be conducive to producing cabbage and chickpeas . Being landlocked and without much technology , the early settlers began a slave trade , bicycling into southern Iowa under cover of night and trading with the Feudal Warlords there , exchanging catfish , cucumbers and whiskey for slaves , many who perished on the perilous bike trek back across the river . Lomax had apparently made a wrong turn somewhere south of Springfield , and while parked along the side of the road , trying to read the crude hand drawn map he had been given , heard a sound like none he had ever heard before . Peering across the field , he spotted O'Bama , sitting atop a burlap sack full of chickpeas , head thrown back , banjo in his hands , singing a goose bump inducing tune , while the others in his group continued to toil in the hot sun . Hastily setting up his recording equiptment there at the edge of the field , it was reported that he caught several never before documented songs that afternoon . Unfortunately , they had been lost over the years and the only proof of O'Bama's existance had been a nearly illegible scribbling in Lomax's journal and a yellowing photo , found being used as a bookmark in a garden seed catalog in an upstairs closet during preparations for an estate auction after Lomax's death . Though seeing only a reproduction of the photo once in a Readers Digest , Bluesman had no doubt who he was about to meet . O'Bama extended his hand as Whitman / Grady began with introductions , but quickly withdrew it as from several hundred yards south of their campground came the unmistakable sound of.........
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Re: THE RETURN OF BLUESMAN – THE RETURNETH

Postby cas » Fri Sep 12, 2008 6:10 pm

A train. Yes folks it was the 8:05 outta Chicago traveling south at about 60 miles an hour with a full load of cattle cars & other various and sundry products. Bluesman watched as the train pulled closer wondering where the heck was the tracks?? They all listened as the trains whistle screamed a warning. Suddenly Bluesman realized the Ford with the tiltawhirl camper was sitting directly on the tracks. "AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE", he screamed. He ran for the truck, jerked open the cab door, praying the keys were in it. "Yes" he shrieked. Not even bothering to close the door he cranked the ignition, jammed it inta gear & floored the accelerator. The Ford F650 with the big Cummins 5.9 diesel engine growled into life. Looking up, Bluesman saw the 8:05 bearing down on him. He yanked the steering wheel to the left and prayed, "Please Lord don't let this be the end!" He couldn't tear his eyes away from the now HUGE train. "I think we're gonna make it" he whispered to no one in particular. Then, without warning...........
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Re: THE RETURN OF BLUESMAN – THE RETURNETH

Postby howlnwoof » Sat Sep 13, 2008 1:58 am

............the train veered off to the right at the last second as Whitman / Grady had the presence of mind to leap over the tracks , pull the locking pin and throw the switch lever , sending the powerful locomotive barreling into the woods on a siding that had at one time serviced one of the lumber camps during the early part of this century . Bluesman , having closed his eyes and nearly soiling himself at the prospect of being t-boned by the train , let out his breath in a long sigh . He pried his white knuckles from the steering wheel just as Whitman / Grady opened the passenger side door . "Good Gobbly Goo Bluesbuddy , you is paler den da Queens pasty behine ! , he exclaimed . "Ain't ne'r seen anyting like I been seeing since bein freed o' dat cocoon . Is yo life always filled with woe and mayhem liken dis?" Bluesman could only grunt an acknowledgment at W / G as he slid from the seat of the Tilt-O-toaster-camper and tried to regain his legs . Slumping back against the exposed frame of the truck , he was suddenly and unexpectedly overtaken by a smell wafting up from the thickets to his left . It was the memory triggering smell of ...............
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Re: THE RETURN OF BLUESMAN – THE RETURNETH

Postby howlnwoof » Sat Sep 13, 2008 1:17 pm

.....L.C. Thibodoux's Hoodoo Voodoo Cajun style hot dogs . (Longtime Bluesman readers will remember L.C. from" Bluesman-The Unthinkable Episode-2001 ) That smell was one a person never forgot ; same as that peppermint smelling stuff the janitor in elementary school used when the sniffley always-something-wrong-with-him mamas boy threw up in the hall after recess , or your first girlfriends perfume . All pulling up long ago filed away memories . By now , the smell was almost overpowering , and Whitman had a glazed over look in his eye as he started to move in the direction of the spicy-smoky aroma . Bluesman , Whitman and O'Bama crossed the rutted gravel road , climbed through a badly in need of repair three strand barb wire fence , crossed a short patch of native wildflowers and grasses , pushed their way through some brambles near a lonely stand of scraggly trees , scaled a 30 foot high stone outcropping , traversed a gurgling ice cold stream , swung across a deep gulley , using the conveniently placed hand woven ropes , paddled their way across a swampy lowlands on a large piece of driftwood and then stumbled down a steep embankment to a lush green area , where on the opposite side of a clearing , they spotted a cave opening ......... from which exuded the smoke and smell of L.C. preparing some of his world famous hot dogs . As they entered the mouth of the cave , and their eyes adjusted to the dingy light , they could just make out the shadowy silouette of the grillmaster . As the figure turned to face our group , Bluesmans anticipation of greeting his old friend L.C. was cut short by the realization that they had been lured into a trap . Sneering at them from behind the hot dog grill was none other than.................
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