One liners

Dr. Mojo admits a weakness for jokes about musicians. Let's collect a few -- such as, "How do you get a bass player off your porch?" The answer: Pay him for the pizza.

Re: One liners

Postby beard-of-grey » Tue Feb 24, 2009 11:02 pm

LesFromChicago wrote:CAUTION: Items appearing to be in the rear view mirror are actually somewhere behind you.

That's easy to say in HINDSIGHT

Now whats the story with Grumpygroo not posting for some time and moving to the Big Apple :?: :!:
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Re: One liners

Postby jaybee » Wed Feb 25, 2009 6:40 am

LesFromChicago wrote:CAUTION: Items appearing to be in the rear view mirror are actually somewhere behind you.


unless the mecanic just took them out, in which case they are expensive and obsolete as you can "just as well adjust it by hand, no?" :roll:
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Re: One liners

Postby jaybee » Wed Feb 25, 2009 6:42 am

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
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Re: One liners

Postby ricochet » Wed Feb 25, 2009 6:16 pm

Three lefts make a right.
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Re: One liners

Postby maxx england » Thu Feb 26, 2009 11:14 am

beard-of-grey wrote:
LesFromChicago wrote:CAUTION: Items appearing to be in the rear view mirror are actually somewhere behind you.

That's easy to say in HINDSIGHT

Now whats the story with Grumpygroo not posting for some time and moving to the Big Apple :?: :!:


To the best of my recollection, he's moved to Scarborough on our northeast coast; which probably means he's collapsed with hypothermia by now. NY in this case is North Yorkshire, just to remove the confusion.
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Re: One liners

Postby LesFromChicago » Thu Feb 26, 2009 4:41 pm

maxx england wrote:
beard-of-grey wrote:
LesFromChicago wrote:CAUTION: Items appearing to be in the rear view mirror are actually somewhere behind you.

That's easy to say in HINDSIGHT

Now whats the story with Grumpygroo not posting for some time and moving to the Big Apple :?: :!:


To the best of my recollection, he's moved to Scarborough on our northeast coast; which probably means he's collapsed with hypothermia by now. NY in this case is North Yorkshire, just to remove the confusion.



Why are so many places in England named after places in Toronto?
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Re: One liners

Postby ricochet » Thu Feb 26, 2009 5:30 pm

There's a city in England named after Birmingham, Alabama. One named after Sheffield, Alabama, too!
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Re: One liners

Postby beard-of-grey » Thu Feb 26, 2009 11:55 pm

Cheers Maxx, you've cleared up half the question, now it's up to Grumps.
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Re: One liners

Postby maxx england » Fri Feb 27, 2009 3:08 pm

I've had a pm. He's not very well at the moment, got hepatitis C, but will probably surface from time to time. If you feel like it, send him a get well soon message, it can get lonely sat there waiting to get better.
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Re: One liners

Postby LesFromChicago » Fri Feb 27, 2009 3:35 pm

beard-of-grey wrote:Cheers Maxx, you've cleared up half the question, now it's up to Grumps.



Since his email is not made available, I just sent this PM to GG
We have not met, not eeven virtually on the forum.
But I heard you are not well so I just send this greetings of wishes and prayer for your well-being.
Les (a failry new memebr of BigRoad)
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Re: One liners

Postby LesFromChicago » Fri Feb 27, 2009 8:13 pm

No man starteth a new thread for an old garment, so I am posting this here in one-liners.
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Re: One liners

Postby grumpygroo » Sat Feb 28, 2009 9:20 pm

Not a one-liner, but proof of my continuing existence (just, avoid dodgy blood transfusions and don't ever let them tell you that interferon and ribavirin are wonder drugs!). Thanks for your good wishes, Les.


The madam opened the brothel door in Kings Cross and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.

'May I help you sir? she asked.

'I want to see Valerie,' the man replied.

'Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else', said the madam.

'No, I must see Valerie,' he replied.

Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged £5,000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand dollars and gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.

The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie. Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row, as she was too expensive and there were no discounts. The price was still £5,000.

Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.

The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs.

After their session, Valerie questioned the man, "No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?" she asked.

The man replied, "Birmingham"

"Really", she said, "I have family in Birmingham"

"I know," the man said. "Your sister died, and I am her lawyer. She asked me to give you your £15,000 inheritance."

The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain.
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer
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Re: One liners

Postby Direwolf59 » Thu Mar 05, 2009 1:53 am

She said "Give me 12 inches and make it hurt!" so I screwed her twice and hit her with a brick!
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Re: One liners

Postby jaybee » Fri Mar 06, 2009 5:17 am

Direwolf59 wrote:... 12 inches...screwed her twice ...


I think she meant 1 x 12" not 2 x 6" - you lucky SHE didn't hit YOU with that brick 8)
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Re: One liners

Postby Les Again » Sat May 21, 2011 5:11 am

There's a new movie coming out, it's a psycho version of an American Christmas season oldie, the title will be "It's A Wonderful Knife".
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