Some Showmanship Tips For Beginning Singers

Dr. Mojo admits a weakness for jokes about musicians. Let's collect a few -- such as, "How do you get a bass player off your porch?" The answer: Pay him for the pizza.

Some Showmanship Tips For Beginning Singers

Postby Slacker G » Sat Jan 23, 2010 12:31 am

I'm a rank beginner when it comes to singing. I know that singers have a lot of trade secrets that I've yet to discover. I really haven't even scratched the surface. Basically, I write and lay down vocal tracks so I can jam behind myself.
That is the main reason I don't take my vocals seriously. I can't wait until they're out of the way so I can "Get down wif my own bad self" during the fun part of the song.
Once a sidemen, always a sideman at heart. I know a lot of singer tricks, I just can't do them, but I am gaining some attributes as I slowly progress in this new endeavor.
I'll pass what I do know on to those of you who feel even less confident than I do, if that were possible.

For these reasons, I feel I have begun to attain the earmarks of a legitimate singer.

#1 I don't come in on time
#2 I can't remember the lyrics
#3 I make up words to songs and think I'm the only one who notices
#4 I boogie around on the stage wildly waving my microphone to the music during the instrumental. I look so cool.
#5 I turn my back to the audience and play air guitar to the rest of the band when I'm not singing.
#6 I learned this really neat little dance step from watching grunge bands on TV. It looks something like a spastic picking up pop corn off a flight of stairs in pseudo time to the music.
#7 I've learned to get this really silly kinda stupid look on my face when I stare into the room and ask "So What should we do next"
#8 When I sing off key I try to get that misty eyed look on my face like a jazz singer.
#9 When I come in all wrong I just turn around and give the drummer a dirty look.
#10 I use the same look, only on the guitar player, when I start singing lyrics to the wrong song.
#11 I've learned to look lovingly at the audience as if they are applauding for me and me alone.
#12 Try to "Moon Walk" even if you have two left feet. Crowds eat that sh!t up. If you trip over your own feet, land in the drums. It's safer.
#13 If a hot chick enters the room, croon, no matter what the tempo
#14 Wear something that shows your fans you're not just part of the band
#15 It doesn't matter how drunk you get. The audience will still enjoy your incoherent babbling as long as you are reasonably close to pitch.
#16 If your wife sees your girlfriend walk into the club and head over to speak with your other girlfriend, just stay cool. You've been through it all before.

Just a few of the things I have been able to graft into my bag of tricks through years of being a sideman.

Feel free to extend the list. We can all learn from each other. Very Happy
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Re: Some Showmanship Tips For Beginning Singers

Postby ricochet » Sat Jan 23, 2010 5:09 am

Pull out a harp and blow on it whenever you're not singing. Doesn't matter what key the harp or song is in, or whether you know how to play it. Everyone will think you're amazing.
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